This is a topic I’ve been thinking to cover for so long. I’m always a little insecure about my appearance, whether I’m perceived as beautiful or not. It worsened as I got older. I used to have someone telling me to get my skin lighter when it got darker, telling me I was too skinny, telling me I got chubbier when I ate more to make myself less skinny. They used to make fun of my small, slanted eyes and the way I wore my makeup. They used to make fun of the way I dressed, telling me I needed to wear bright colors more when I like calm, muted colors.
After a while, I got sick of it. Why should I strive for beauty? Why should I adjust the way I look to impress you? Don’t I have so much more to offer than my looks?
Society is generally obsessed with beauty. This is not an observation; this is a plain fact. If it wasn’t like that, then why is there such a big industry that revolves around beauty?
Women are always valued by their looks, as if they’re just pretty things without substance. This is why when people think about Audrey Hepburn, they think of a pretty young woman in a sleek black dress when in fact she was more than just a pretty face. They think of this pretty young thing, not the lady who was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom for her tireless work as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador. This is why Chrissy Teigen was attacked daily, on Twitter, for having an opinion, such as on the shitstorm of an election that got Trump elected last year. This is why some newspaper printed an article on Emma Watson being unnecessarily opinionated, after she delivered a moving speech on women’s issues.
This is why some women, who society deems as unattractive, are branded as “feminazis” for fighting to be heard. Women have been dismissed for being attractive, and women have been dismissed for not having good looks.
I read this quote somewhere, I apologize if I don’t give credit because I honestly forgot where I saw this quote – and I can’t agree with this more: “Being an unattractive man is an inconvenience; for a woman, it’s a death sentence.”
This is a message all girls, all women get.
If society thinks you’re pretty, that’s the only value you’ve got. If society doesn’t think you’re pretty, you’re worthless. When they think you're not pretty you won't be looked at twice, but when they think you're pretty that's all you are. Everything else you do, all of your achievements, your mind and your soul is just a footnote. Something to be easily overlooked. Nothing more.
This isn’t right. This is outrageous, even. Why does it have to be this way? We are not dolls. Our job isn’t being an eye candy. We are not obligated to be beautiful. And certainly not by society’s standard.
I asked some young women when they feel the most beautiful.
Some of them said they feel most beautiful when they’re all made up and dressed up.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they’re fooling around with a boyfriend.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they’re dressing up and alone, without other people around.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they’re happy and comfortable.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they just wake up without make up, feeling all fresh and rested.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they dress well and eat well.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they don’t care about what people say about them.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they smile.
Some other said they feel most beautiful when they’re loved.
And I personally feel most beautiful when I’m in sweatpants and fired up about writing.
What I’m trying to say is always hold on to that feeling. Don’t let society’s take on beauty standards make you feel bad about your appearance. You define what beauty is. You’re more than what society thinks about your appearance.
If you feel beautiful in your thick body, then you are beautiful.
If you feel beautiful in your dark skin, then you are beautiful.
If you feel beautiful in full make up and fancy dress, then you are beautiful.
If you feel beautiful in no makeup and sweatpants, then you are beautiful.
If you feel beautiful in high heels and ready to kick ass, then you are beautiful.
If you feel beautiful in sneakers and fighting stance, then you are beautiful.
If you feel beautiful when you tell yourself that you’re beautiful, then you are beautiful.
Never let society tell you otherwise. You are beautiful, and you are worth it.
Never, ever, ever forget that.
Raditha Firza Rahmaputri is a nearly graduated IT student at Universitas Gadjah Mada. She’s an avid reader and she does a bit of writing here and there. She has a voice and some issues of her own and if speaking up about them helps people who are going through the same thing, then she will.
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