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January 09, 2019

Smug Married Friends, Here's What Not to Say/Do to Your Single Friends

Are you one of these smug married friends? If yes, take heed!

by Ruby Astari

Remember when life was much simpler with your BFFs, when all of you were still single? You hung out all the time, chatted about the same topics, and you sure had a lot of fun together.

Then men came along and relationships start. Sisters before misters? That remains to be seen.

We all want to be happy, but not all love stories end the same way. Some break up quickly, others have more staying power. Some ends up in marriages, others stay single. And then there are the divorces.

Naturally, romantic relationships change friendships. Different goals, different priorities (especially when kids are involved). The get-together becomes less and less frequent.

Now I am not against marriages. I love to see my girlfriends happily in love, or having found someone they want to share their lives with. I always pray that the men will treat them right.

But the problems start when the married friends start treating their single friends differently. Look, we get that you are happy. And we know that you think you mean well. You want to us to experience the same bliss as you. Still, it might be good to keep these things in mind:

  1. When you try to set us up with a prospect, or a potential suitor, please don’t be pushy to your single friends. Empathize with us. Find out what we really need and how we truly feel. You may not understand everything, but please be considerate. Maybe you didn’t like being single, but that does not mean all your single friends feel the same way too. Perhaps we still have other goals to achieve, and relationship is just not on the top list. If it works out with the guy you set us up with, believe me, we will thank you. If it does not, do not blame us. It is not that we have not tried hard enough. After all, feelings cannot be forced.
  2. When you feel compelled to make certain comments about us, think twice! Comments like “Please remember your age.” Between our ID and our family or friends insisting that we treat them on our birthdays, we remember our age and do not need to reminded over and over again. And when you say, “You need to dress up more / put more makeup on / lose some weight / be friendlier and more open to guys,” remember that once you told us: “You’ll find someone soon” and “Just enjoy life.” Instead of telling us to not be “too picky,” remember that you used to remind us to not “fall too easily.”

Being patronizing that does not a good friend make. Even if your intention is good, you might come off as arrogant. There are other ways to remain good friends with your single girlfriends, even when you do not get to hang out as much anymore. Don’t be judgmental, enough with the comparisons. And respect our decision to live our lives the way we want to live it, married or single.

Ruby Astari is an English teacher, freelance translator, and freelance writer. Her first novel "Reva's Tale" is already in stores. She enjoys being a sexy chub, hanging out with fellow writers, and wearing froggy shades in public!