Dear daughter,
By the time you read this, maybe it’s too late for you. Either you or he has already said goodbye and the only thing left is the memories of the two of you. Your first heartbreak, and the world is suddenly no longer your oyster.
As someone who's had her shares of being heartbroken (and who did it – I’d like to think anyway – gracefully), and who has this eternal love for you, I will help you navigate your ways through this difficult phase in your life through music.
Not to worry, having been a permanent failure in my attempt to be a cultural snob, my playlist is a collection of low-brow pop music with a touch of almost anything. So, shall we begin by putting on Amy Winehouse’s “Love is A Losing Game”?
Hear No Evil, See No Evil
For some time, you’ve felt that he’s been drifting apart. He looked at you without seeing you. That little voice inside reasons that he must have other things to tend asides from you, but you want him to stay with you, for you; because of course, you and him are meant to be. There’s no other way but to pull an Effie White from the musical Dreamgirls. Stand up proud and belt this out: “And I’m Teling You I’m Not Going, “…and YOU, and YOU, YOU’RE GONNA LOVE ME!” Let this illusion of you and him lingers because the bitter truth is he will eventually leave anyway.
The Regret
So you realize that you’ve probably pushed him away by blaming him for everything, from your bad-hair day, to the wet weather, to the rise and fall of communism in Indonesia. After all, he’s a guy, so he must take all the blame. The sad part is you could see the breakup coming like the Germans saw the Allied troops arriving on Normandy on D-day, but you chose to turn a blind eye until it was too late. Then put on Tori Amos’s “Baker Baker”, because “He says that behind my eyes I'm hiding/And he tells me I pushed him away”.
Dr. Jekyll & Ms. Hyde Phase
After the breakup you’re left with an Eeyore interior while struggling to maintain a Tigger exterior, especially when you and him are in the same circle. Don’t fight the Eeyore, let it get a hold of you for couple of days. Connect with Mariah Carey in “Breakdown”, in which she sang “Well I guess I’m trying to be/nonchalant about it/ And I’m going to the extreme to prove I’m fine without you/but in reality I’m slowly losing my mind.” This phase is an excellent way to fine-tune your public façade that will become very handy once you fully enter the grown-up world.
The Extreme
There are many moments you just want to be alone with a box of Paseo tissues crying your eyes out. And why not? Just do it to Diana Krall’s “Why Should I Care”. Because you were “not meant to be the one?/..and will someone else get more of you?/..Will she wake up knowing you’re still there?” But then there will be times when you want to scream your lungs out, especially when you see him holding hands with a female creature he calls love (see how your mother PC-ed herself by not typing the word ‘slut’?). Mommy knows best. Only Alanis Morissette’s “You Oughta Know” can channel that smack-the-bitch rage. She captures it so well when she points out that “it was a smack in the face how quickly I was replaced/and are you thinking of me when you **** her?” Of course premarital sex is ANOTHER topic that I, uh, think neither of us is ready to discuss. Look! Ryan Gosling! *desperate attempt to divert attention*
Before I rant too much, there’s a smorgasbord of songs you can pick to go with your mental landscape, among them Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable”, Olivia Newton John’s “Hopelessly Devoted To You”, or Adele’s “Someone Like You”. But leave it to Miss Aretha to keep your chin up after a heartbreak.
Because a little “R-E-S-P-E-C-T” is all you need.
Much love,
Mom
P.S.
When it comes to songs that define women I prefer Billy Joel’s “She’s Always A Woman” than John Lennon’s “Woman”. Joel didn’t put her lady on a pedestal like Lennon. Believe me, at the end of the day you want someone to accept you as human.
About Gita Putri Damayana
A self-proclaimed good mother of three kids and pretentious wife of a model citizen. A law graduate from University of Indonesia with no particular distinction at all, but who is highly opinionated on almost anything under the sun. She casts herself as the mirror image of actress Dian Sastrowardoyo, while maintaining a health regime of Mama Hengky, the famous 80's comic.
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