Dear Madge,
I recently found out that my “husbro” cheated on me and this has left me heartbroken. My friends had warned me that loyalty is an issue in gay relationship as men are “by nature” not monogamous. Is that so? Should I stay or should I go? I really love him but I don't think I can handle another betrayal, which from the look of it can be expected to happen again.
Thanks,
XX
Dear XX,
As usual, we forward your email to our BGFF Downtown Boy. Here goes:
First off, I'm going to tell you what NOT to do; in the midst of anger and confusion do not reactivate your dating apps and start hooking up with random guys to get revenge sex; even worse do not call your not-so-cute ex-es to confide your dilemma; sex with not-so-cute ex-es is never a good idea, on the other hand sex with cute exes…. Anyway.
Secondly, if you're still in love with him then read on.
Here are some options you're looking at:
1) Stay quiet and pretend nothing happened. Hold on to the relationship because you love him so much and you hope for the best - that “this too shall pass” and he will “eventually” come back to the warm embrace of his true love; never mind the increased insecurity and paranoia that you endure, because “eventually” you'll get used to the pain and you'll tell yourself “it's worth it”.
2) Gather all the evidence and confront him (I gather you haven't done so). Tell him blankly how much you love him, but you must release all your anger at him, tell him that you won't take this crap anymore; lay your cards on the table and set your conditions. Everyone may deserve a second chance but we owe it to ourselves even more to know the truth. If you think you are not strong enough to bring honesty to the table then take the first option, but make sure you sleep with your cute ex-es.
A monogamous gay relationship is not for every gay man, it does EXIST but let's get 100 percent real here, it is a rarity, so if you're in one, cherish it. If the relationship starts to hurt and damage you, then walk away, so you can be promiscuous....again.
DB
*Image by Shannon Palmer
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